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SWP is rocking the RED PUMP for National Women and Girls HIV Awareness Day, March 10th, 2012!
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Anonymous asked: Any advice for what a cam girl should do while she's on her period? Is not working my only option? Thank you guys for having such a wonderful blog!! <3 You’ll want something in your pussy that handles the bloody mess without interfering with penetrative play or being visible. Lots of people like the Instead Softcups, if you can get them. They’re disposable menstrual cups that sit up really high so that you can still have sex. (I can’t vouch for them myself since I’ve never used them.) The other thing many people really like and use for this purpose is sponges (and this is what I use). You can kind of wedge them up high near your cervix so no one can see them and they’re soft, so they don’t get in the way of penetration. Bear in mind though that a full sponge, when squeezed, will RELEASE the moisture it’s holding on to! So change sponges often. Hope that helps! |
We received this from an anonymous contributor, and we ALL hope it helps.
*BOUNDARIES ARE IMPORTANT: How to get the best possible service from your sex worker*
* Nipples are sensitive. Ask your sex worker before biting, pulling, tugging or squeezing or doing anything else rough with them. For some people such sensations can unpleasant.
* Orifices are not access all areas. Ask your sex work before trying to finger either anus or vagina. Not all sex workers are comfortable with being penetrated by hands.
* Faces are intimate personal space. Ask your sex worker before kissing, licking or breathing heavily on their face, neck and ears. For many people such contact feels too invasive.
* Skin is individual. Ask your sex worker before licking or biting their flesh. People have different pain thresholds. And not everyone enjoys the sensation of being licked on their body.
ABOVE ALL SHOW RESPECT FOR THE PHYSICAL BEING OF YOUR SEX WORKER.
If you do this, inquire after boundaries and then abide by them your sex worker will be more motivated to give you their best possible service, which may include granting you permission to do things from the above list. The nicer you are to your sex worker, the nicer they will be to you. Remember that we are human beings and like to be treated as such.
** If you deliberately do not ask permission before trying to do particularly intimate things because you think your sex worker may say no, then you are an asshole who disregards the importance of consent. Do better.**
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Anonymous asked: is anyone else struggling with being a lucrative sex worker with an unemployed partner? especially girls dating boys? this is becoming so incredibly stressful, it's been a year of this now. my partner feels emasculated, i feel whatever the opposite of that is. everything about the culture is telling me i'm worth a lot, and my partner can give me nothing, and the mind fuck is tearing me up. i feel like a custie in my own relationship, paying to have a boyf. =/ Ouch anon. That sounds rough. There is totally this expectation that sex workers are rolling around in money, and always have extra, can always loan money or buy treats. This mod has never been a primary breadwinner in a relationship, but has definitely been viewed as someone who should be giving her partners (and sometimes friends, too) treats, extra fun, and occasionally even large loans because everyone knows she’s a sex worker and clearly has more money than she needs. I’ve put up with a lot of stupid “sugar momma” jokes. They’re never, ever funny. Your situation seems extra rough indeed, since it sounds like you’re supporting him with your earnings, and since this is taking a toll on his self-esteem. One of the major problems here is that so many of us are encouraged to find our primary identity in our employment, especially men. It sounds to me like your boyfriend needs to find something else that he can do, that will make him feel valuable. Does he have any hobbies or crafts he likes? Crafts are great because at the end of the day, you can say, “LOOK I MADE THIS USEFUL/COOL/BEAUTIFUL THING!” Does he do housework for you? Repairs and upkeep on your residence, maybe, if not cooking/cleaning stuff. In one view, that could be emasculating, but in another, it could make him feel like your support of him is more justified, and like he does bring value to your life and your relationship, because he helps you out. Or, cheesy as it sounds, he could go out and volunteer, which would give him stuff to do, and a purpose, AND be something to add to a CV for future job hunting. You can learn a lot of skills while volunteering, AND you can work for a good cause at the same time. It’s not all sloshing soup into a bowl unpaid crap labour. As far as your own peace of mind goes, I’m not sure how long you’ve been together in total, but if you got together before he was unemployed remember that it’s simply not true that you’re paying to have a boyfriend. And if you’ve been together for a long time, or see yourself together for a long time, remember that this is what partners do. You support each other. Maybe one day, he’ll be able to return the favor. It sounds to me like he would LOVE to return the favor. I hope some of that, any of that, is helpful. If any other SWs with underearning partners want to share their stories, we’d love to add your voices to the conversation! |
“How do I deal with people who feel like I SHOULD tell them how to get in the industry without feeling used?”
It’s easy to have that feeling - being used, entitled sons of guns, selfish people who think of you as a conduit, a thing, rather than a person.
My personal answer, regardless of who is asking (friends or strangers) is just to say no - hence why SWP has been incredibly forthcoming regarding our decision never to offer help on getting into the sex industry.
Many bloggers (on tumblr and around the web) just answer (seemingly) every ask they get and advise any and everyone on how to get into the sex industry.
I never wanted SWP to be a “Use Us”/101 type spot, so we just don’t do it all. Believe me, we get our share (and more) of hatred and meanness from entitled jackasses who believe they should be able to use us for free - as clients are wont to do as well.
You can check out “How Dare You Say No, Whore?” for more insight on why we say no - and why we’re proud of saying it.
The best advice I can give you is to simply say NO, mean it, and get okay (quickly) with the reaction you’ll get from the people you say no to. in the long run, it’s infinitely more satisfying and peaceful though. You don’t feel used and you don’t have that feeling that no one would be talking to you if you weren’t helping them get off with their fantasies of fucking for money.
I hope this helped,
SW1
If it was me, I’d probably just tell them exactly what you told us. Get them used to sex worker truth-telling: YOU ARE ASKING ME TO HELP YOU BECOME MY COMPETITION. DON’T YOU THINK THAT’S A LITTLE BIT RUDE?
Once you have achieved the look of chagrin you desire from your impertinent acquaintance, if you’re feeling charitable or sisterly, perhaps you could recommend a few books on the sex industry and how to break into it. FetLife also has some decent communities for pro-BDSM folks, as well as other sex workers, to share tips and tricks and get advice, and you could point the inquisitive there as well.
An Australian worker who sent us this advice as a follow up to yesterday’s anonymous question RE: housing.
As a side note, one wonders why managers and houses wouldn’t make this information, by default, readily available. Another time, another day, I suppose.
This is where planning and saving is, literally, going to save your ass.
With credit checks and stigma being two things you’ll have to worry about (primarily), this is where cash can fix, well…. just about anything.
Before you leave where you are now, find out the median amount of rent in the city or area where you’re considering moving. Have six months of that in cash - 1st month, last month, deposit, and 3 months forward. Very few people are going to say no to that kind of cash - and if they do, you’ve still got a wad in your pocket that you can blow at another complex.
Another direction you can go, if you’re lucky enough to live in a place where it’s possible: don’t rent from complexes or “and associates” type lessors. Try finding individuals who have homes or apartments for rent. They’re less likey to do costly credit checks and more likely to work with you during slow months or weeks at your job.
This all only works if you have cash. This means, if you don’t need the shoes, don’t buy them. Cook at home. Rent from those $1-a-night movies boxes instead of keeping your subscription to the online movie spot. Budget what you’re going to spend when you go out with your friends - and stick with it. Cut down onn vices, stay out of casinos, forget about lotto tickets. No, saving isn”t fun, but if you have $10,000 in the bank, life is a lot fucking easier.
Be safe out there, be kind to yourselves, and take care of each other if you can.
SWP
Thanks to everyone who replied to our question! We got recommendations for the following stores:
- Scarlet Bliss - for latex and kink gear
- Timeless Trends - for corsets
- American Apparel - cheap sheer undies!
- For masculine types, one lovely person recommended Erogenos.
- There’s also always Amazon and, if you have spendy clients, your Amazon wishlist.
- Zappos (if you’re in the US or Canada, much to this mod’s personal annoyance, they do not ship internationally!)
- And finally: Target. (THIS IS SO TRUE.)
You may also want to follow The Lingerie Addict on Tumblr, because she often has links to good deals on fancy pretty things and information about where to get lingerie in unusual sizes, plus lots of inspirational pictures. (She’s also a kick-ass woman of color and reblogs diversity in lingerie models where she finds it, so I personally love having her posts on my dash.)
Happy shopping, everyone!
