Dear caring partners struggling with accepting your partners job,
Your concern, insecurity and confusion are understandable. We live in a society where sex work is misunderstood and relationships are defined by certain boundaries that don’t take what we do into account.
I can’t speak for everyone, but let me offer you how it is for some of us.
We are just doing a job. Sometimes our bodies react to the physical goings on but the truth is, we wouldn’t be doing this if we weren’t getting paid. This is not sex as it exists between you and I, partner. This is a business transaction. When I am doing my job, I am pleasuring my client with a fantasy; not just about the situation going on between us but a fantasy of who I am.
The client doesn’t get me, they get the persona. The character. They get the false lashes and the hair extensions and the layers of makeup and the shape-wear and the fake laughter and the voice raised three decibels to sound more girly and vacuous.
You get the real me.
You get me bare faced, unshaven, having sex with you because I want you. Because you turn me on, because I care about you and want to be intimate with you. My pleasure is real with you. Sex work doesn’t change that, in fact, it just confirms it.
Sometimes I need to be left alone and don’t want to be touched; I need to own my own body. I am touched and grabbed and bending over and bucking and swinging my hips all day in uncomfortable shoes, and I need to get back into my body, the real me. It’s a peculiarity of sex work, and it has nothing to do with you. When this happens, I just need you to offer me that space and give me time to come back. Understand how taxing my job is. Listen to me when I tell you these things, trust me, because without trust we have nothing anyway.
Partner, you don’t need to feel threatened by my job. Don’t listen to society, listen to me.
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