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Anonymous asked: My ex-partner and I are both sex workers. When we broke up she outted me. The work I do is semi-public (fetish movies) but she is a call girl so her work is mainly private clients. She says you can't out someone with videos online so it is no big but our social circle is not kind? I really didn't want to explain myself to everyone. And if I out her people will think I'm shitty. Any suggestions? Honestly? Move on. Success, a sweet life, happiness, freedom, those are the best revenge. Wasting time you can never get back trying to hurt someone who, quite obviously, doesn’t care about your well being is, well, a waste. Our suggestion? Spend your time living the best life you possibly can for you, and know this: What goes around, comes around, and by the time it comes around to your ex, you’ll have moved on, and you won’t even care what came around to them. Good luck. SW7 |
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Anonymous asked: I'm a sex worker and I just recently broke up with my partner. Do you have any advice, tips, or even your own tales of dealing with a break up and still working? For me personally, anon, working through a breakup has always, at least, helped me maintain a sense that I was desirable—one of the worst feelings of a breakup is “NO ONE WILL EVER WANT ME AGAIIIIIIN” and if you’re still working, actually, well, here’s tangible proof of all the people who want you. What say the rest of you, friends? -SW14 |
Dear caring partners struggling with accepting your partners job,
Your concern, insecurity and confusion are understandable. We live in a society where sex work is misunderstood and relationships are defined by certain boundaries that don’t take what we do into account.
I can’t speak for everyone, but let me offer you how it is for some of us.
We are just doing a job. Sometimes our bodies react to the physical goings on but the truth is, we wouldn’t be doing this if we weren’t getting paid. This is not sex as it exists between you and I, partner. This is a business transaction. When I am doing my job, I am pleasuring my client with a fantasy; not just about the situation going on between us but a fantasy of who I am.
The client doesn’t get me, they get the persona. The character. They get the false lashes and the hair extensions and the layers of makeup and the shape-wear and the fake laughter and the voice raised three decibels to sound more girly and vacuous.
You get the real me.
You get me bare faced, unshaven, having sex with you because I want you. Because you turn me on, because I care about you and want to be intimate with you. My pleasure is real with you. Sex work doesn’t change that, in fact, it just confirms it.
Sometimes I need to be left alone and don’t want to be touched; I need to own my own body. I am touched and grabbed and bending over and bucking and swinging my hips all day in uncomfortable shoes, and I need to get back into my body, the real me. It’s a peculiarity of sex work, and it has nothing to do with you. When this happens, I just need you to offer me that space and give me time to come back. Understand how taxing my job is. Listen to me when I tell you these things, trust me, because without trust we have nothing anyway.
Partner, you don’t need to feel threatened by my job. Don’t listen to society, listen to me.
SW9
Isabel Chen, a medical student at UBC, is part of a team that has invented a mobile panic button for street-based sex trade workers on Vancouverâs Downtown Eastside.
The instant explosive devices detonated at last week’s Boston Marathon, law enforcement’s top priority became clear: catch those responsible for the
